It was an innocent age and understanding the meaning of word Death was not that easy. I never understood what it meant. But as I grew up, I learned what this particular five letter word 'Death' meant.
Imagining even a day without the person you love the most, seemed impossible but I realised this reality of life when my Grandfather expired. I saw him struggling, struggling against his own death. It was the time when we took him to hospital and were hoping against hope. But one just cannot live in illusions for a long time and the time arrived
when it was our decision, our family's collective decision.
He was serious and in pain and our elders decided to set him free. Set him free from all his pain. It was a tough decision to set him free from this imprisonment...
Imprisonment of pain....endless pain....by removing his life support system, ventilator. In medical terms it meant taking away his life but for us it was setting him free from that unbearable pain. The suffering were endless and to the extent that he was not even able to speak. He was almost dead coz he was paralyzed.
This is not a story but my life's experience where I lost my grandfather. Since the day I was born, I saw him around. Imagining the fact that he will leave me one day and go was something alien to me but the day came when I saw my grandfather suffering from pain. He was not
able to speak but was able to understand what I was saying. Aware of the fact that he will not be able to answer I held his hand and asked him, 'bauji pehchana mujhe'. With his one hand, which he was able to move, he tightly held my hand and replied to my query. His eyes were wet and even I cried. It was matter of few hours and my grandfather expired. I cried and cried a lot. It was difficult to accept that he was no more. The home went empty but we used to wait. It hurts, it pains but life moves on. In starting, I used to miss him a
lot and here is a time when I recall.
Strange are the ways of life or god has made it this way. We say we love our family our friends but why does it happen that as soon as the person dies we just start thinking of criminating the body? We say we cannot live without the person who is dead but we cannot even bear the smell,
which comes from the body. Life is weird as we claim a lot but we all are useless. We all are hypocrites. We say we will die if someone leaves us in this world but very easily we manage to survive. This is the truth, which cannot be changed....It is still unbelievable but at times I see my-self and wonder who I am?
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9 comments:
I really don't have any words to write, expect the fact that after reading your article, I had tears in my eyes....
It was truly touching.
Death is the biggest and most harsh realities of life, from which, not one of us can flee. We all have to face it one day....
God bless...
Heii Nidhi,
I understand your pain and sadness...
I want to say that though we dont meet much or interact much, but you are one of the most beautiful friend of mine.
When I say 'beautiful', it doesnt mean only physically but also as a person.
In the same way, when a person dies, the soul leave the body.
The soul which you have loved or known as a person.....
Thats why cerimating the body at the earliest is not being hepocrite or harsh or anything, its just doing the justice to the natures procedures.
On the other part, when we say that we love a person and we will die without him. it doesnt mean being dead in physical terms or by body.
We all in our life term live small small lives. Since human is a social animal and attached emotionaly to this world and people around him.
Thus when we lose a person, when his life ends or because of the distance, somewhere in our heart we lose ourselves also. But that doesnt mean we kill ourself also, because we have to life for others who are there with us and the person for whom you think of dieing coz he's not there, would never want you to do so.
So......
one cant change what you feel for someone or how much you miss someone.
but since ite nature and we all are a part of it, we nee to understand that nothing is permanent here.
IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE AND NEVER WANT TO LOSE HIM.... KEEP HIM IN YOUR HEART, COZ ITS THE ONLY THING WHICH WILL BE THERE WITH YOU, TILL YOU ARE THERE..........
heyyy..very thoughtful and touching. "Who am i"- the existential crisis remains the truth of life. Yes life goes and and thats where the beuty is. Let the person who is not wth u be remembered with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eyes. Borrowing from Bhagwat Geeta- the soul never dies, its still alive to see a smile on your face. The pain will not ease out, the vaccume might never ever be filled but then that is what we celebrate life for.
Sweetie... just one thing (((((((((((HUG)))))))))
n one more thing...we can't Dodge death... but we can definitely be more alive while we r living....
A sign off line from one of my shows...Live Gud, Stay Happy!
Very moving nids..! It is indeed very tough to overcome loss of someone dear.. even tougher to helplessly watch a person fight the seemingly inevitable. But then the fact that we are able to move on with life -wether this should be attributed to our being hypocrites or to some unknown strength of ours to bear such a loss, will always be something that we'll debate on with our innerselves.
hmmm sure was a touchy post...i was in my teenage when i lost my grand parents, and let me confess the pain wasn't exacerbating. But the older i grew, the more i started to look back, the more i started missing them and the more i started feeling mortal.
Now, inspite of being cognizant of the bitter reality called death, human-beings indulge in all kinds of shady manipulations, lies and crimes, totally oblivious of the fact that one day death will strip them of everthing. Well, personally, i believe in looking forward and living everyday with complete zest for life and doing no harm to anyone, not indulging in anything bad...
u reminded me of the void in my life, Nidhi...ur words echoed the pain that we had to bear and r still goin on wit...the person simply vanishes away...leaving so many questions unanswered, rather for us to answer...life definitely moves ahead but it's never the same. i went back to that very day...when all that we could do was see him leaving us. Rather than trying to stop him, we were praying for his peaceful and painless departure...i cursed myself for my helplessness...but it's tru that death leaves no scope for your efforts...all u can do is bow to her whims and fancies and keep cherishing the good times that u shared together... and cry loads whenever the heart goes heavy ...that's d only way to overcome the void, though I kno that I won't be able to overcome it all my life...n i don even wat to (honestly)
Charu we both have been thru a phase where we prayed, not for someone's life but for someone soul, which should rest in peace....n i know during this phase we start hating our own self...for being so cruel...!But the question arises that are we being cruel or self-centered by praying for his death...no...its just that we can't see them in pain and want to be free from all the pain...but its true , we can never overcome what we have gone thru...!
A HUG from my end dear...!
n sweety I dunno but what you wrote is closest to my heart...!
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