Last evening I heard...
“Affirmation” by Savage Garden
I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse tv evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
...and I simply love it.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Baramda
Today when i opened my eyes, ma was working in kitchen...i checkd time in my cell n it was 0705hours....Strange...ma is at home today....she missed her school today or what...
I went to her n the answer was today is JANMASHTAMI. So its our off....
":( but ma i have to go to office today...main nahi...," this is my usual reply whenever its mum's off...
Anyways the blog is not about me cribbing all the time but its about my memories when i was a kid. The word JANMASHTAMI was enough to ring bells in my mind...my memories popped up from somewhere...n i was just wondering that when i was a kid it used to be a great fun.
I used to wait for this season to come...festivals and festivals....celebrations and full masti...!
There is a baramda in our old house, which was an important part of my daily routine....in evening i used to play der...at times sit with 'amma' and 'bauji' and used to have fun...! during this day, janmashtami....we used to decorate the front area of our lawn....what we call as 'jhanki'....it used to be so much fun...excitement....at times my cousins used to come over for festivals...
it seems that this lawn was our ground for maximum festival...be it diwali or holi....our adda used to be dis only....lawn and the slope that touches the road.....!
even the chirstmas celebration we had ( i only remember one) was here in this lawn....n the stairs....
Stairs was the place where i used to sit a lot...and the iron gate...it used to act like our swing...for which at times i got scolded too...!
Life was so much fun ...dat baramda...where i spent my childhood is very much there...but now its the time that my nephew enjoys in that baramda...!
It ws just a word that i recalled my childhood days...not more but i think a few years...i still remember at the age of nine when i shifted from this place...i used to miss all this a lot....
and even today when i step in that baramda....its feels as if am back to my place....
I went to her n the answer was today is JANMASHTAMI. So its our off....
":( but ma i have to go to office today...main nahi...," this is my usual reply whenever its mum's off...
Anyways the blog is not about me cribbing all the time but its about my memories when i was a kid. The word JANMASHTAMI was enough to ring bells in my mind...my memories popped up from somewhere...n i was just wondering that when i was a kid it used to be a great fun.
I used to wait for this season to come...festivals and festivals....celebrations and full masti...!
There is a baramda in our old house, which was an important part of my daily routine....in evening i used to play der...at times sit with 'amma' and 'bauji' and used to have fun...! during this day, janmashtami....we used to decorate the front area of our lawn....what we call as 'jhanki'....it used to be so much fun...excitement....at times my cousins used to come over for festivals...
it seems that this lawn was our ground for maximum festival...be it diwali or holi....our adda used to be dis only....lawn and the slope that touches the road.....!
even the chirstmas celebration we had ( i only remember one) was here in this lawn....n the stairs....
Stairs was the place where i used to sit a lot...and the iron gate...it used to act like our swing...for which at times i got scolded too...!
Life was so much fun ...dat baramda...where i spent my childhood is very much there...but now its the time that my nephew enjoys in that baramda...!
It ws just a word that i recalled my childhood days...not more but i think a few years...i still remember at the age of nine when i shifted from this place...i used to miss all this a lot....
and even today when i step in that baramda....its feels as if am back to my place....
Sunday, September 2, 2007
a blessing
A daily affair,
my metro ride,
weird heartless people.
but still a few seems to be nice.
sometimes it seems to be a horrible journey,
but the kids who stand and run around,
are worth looking at
and enjoying this short journey.
A few days ago...I was angry when i stepped out of office. It was difficult for me to understand that someone can be so damn insensitive...how can people behave so rudely to prove that they are superior...i mean it was not only office but things which were accumulated within me...in my heart....I was stressed and frustrated at that very moment!
And in that crowded metro it was a small kid who gifted my smile back to me. I don't know who was he...n neither did i spoke to him...but it was just his kiddish act dat made me realise that I should not be upset...the world is not only full of jerks but at the same time its also some cute, innocent kids who survive in this world...love them...love everything around urself
...don't have to be a part of jerks world...come join us and live ur life with full freedom...
Kids are sweet...they are innocent... they dn't discriminate amongst ppl standing besides them...
dat small 2-3 year old kid, who was trying really hard to be a member of the game of the two playing foot-ball was fun...it was his strong will that after chasing the two(who must be almost double or triple his age) for more den 20 mins, he managed to snatch that ball....
VICTORY...yeppiii....I won....
this was his expression and even i saw myself smiling....i was happy for him....n even i clapped...Wow...he won...I felt he was smiling at me and telling me, listen "It might take some time...but am sure things will fall in place...just give ur 100 % n you will get what you chase"
these small innocent acts are so pure....i personally feel its a blessing....that constantly reminds me that i don't have to be negative ever...thing will fall in place....n this kid strengthened my belief... "everything is always OK at d end n if its not OK, its not d end!"
my metro ride,
weird heartless people.
but still a few seems to be nice.
sometimes it seems to be a horrible journey,
but the kids who stand and run around,
are worth looking at
and enjoying this short journey.
A few days ago...I was angry when i stepped out of office. It was difficult for me to understand that someone can be so damn insensitive...how can people behave so rudely to prove that they are superior...i mean it was not only office but things which were accumulated within me...in my heart....I was stressed and frustrated at that very moment!
And in that crowded metro it was a small kid who gifted my smile back to me. I don't know who was he...n neither did i spoke to him...but it was just his kiddish act dat made me realise that I should not be upset...the world is not only full of jerks but at the same time its also some cute, innocent kids who survive in this world...love them...love everything around urself
...don't have to be a part of jerks world...come join us and live ur life with full freedom...
Kids are sweet...they are innocent... they dn't discriminate amongst ppl standing besides them...
dat small 2-3 year old kid, who was trying really hard to be a member of the game of the two playing foot-ball was fun...it was his strong will that after chasing the two(who must be almost double or triple his age) for more den 20 mins, he managed to snatch that ball....
VICTORY...yeppiii....I won....
this was his expression and even i saw myself smiling....i was happy for him....n even i clapped...Wow...he won...I felt he was smiling at me and telling me, listen "It might take some time...but am sure things will fall in place...just give ur 100 % n you will get what you chase"
these small innocent acts are so pure....i personally feel its a blessing....that constantly reminds me that i don't have to be negative ever...thing will fall in place....n this kid strengthened my belief... "everything is always OK at d end n if its not OK, its not d end!"
Saturday, September 1, 2007
...
Its been long since i wrote anything on my blog...and the fact is that here i don't have any deadlines...i am free to write when i wish to...am free to write what i want to...n this blog is totally about me being me, n nobody else!
At times i wonder, whatever happens happens for the best but then why do we sit, crib and cry about the things that happened! I know what happened in my life was one of my dreams...She got through her entrance, n d place we always wished too. I was happy dat her efforts were paid off n everyone's dream was being achieved...
but the feeling that she has moved to manipal is still not sinking...i felt i was strong enough to take it but a day before she was leaving, i broke...i never wanted her to go...i wish i could have told her this...i wish i could have stoppd her from going to that place but i never wanted to stop her from achieving OUR dream.
Life is weird. i think life is like this only...shall i call it double standards...don't know...whatever it is....the fact is that i miss her...!
Its been almost a few days she left delhi, n since then we spoke just twice or thrice...everytime we wish to talk .... we are not able to...timings r different...our lifestyle is completely different of what it used to be...i miss you my dear friend...i really miss you!
From a past few days, i was missing her n another friend of mine badly...i just wanted to sit besides them...for a silent conversation...i just wished to have their shoulder, on which i can keep my head n cry...cry like a kid coz lot have accumulated in my heart...in my soul...but the fact remains that i can't...
yesterday, while watching somethng on television i got emotional...i wanted to cry but was not able to ....i don't know...after a few mins my throat was paining badly...i was not able to speak...
i was wondering whether i got emotional about what i saw or it was medium for me to vent out wat was going in my heart....
one thing i know is that all this pain, all this loneliness was worth-it coz its d time when ill be able to meet n sit with one of these two...in front of whom i don't have to pretend...nidhi is what she is...and this friend of mine knows the kid inside me...
wish for the time when ill sit next to both of them...d way we sat once for a little while...n the most amazing of that moment will be when i will laugh my heart out, while telling them my stupid acts n what happened...
At times i wonder, whatever happens happens for the best but then why do we sit, crib and cry about the things that happened! I know what happened in my life was one of my dreams...She got through her entrance, n d place we always wished too. I was happy dat her efforts were paid off n everyone's dream was being achieved...
but the feeling that she has moved to manipal is still not sinking...i felt i was strong enough to take it but a day before she was leaving, i broke...i never wanted her to go...i wish i could have told her this...i wish i could have stoppd her from going to that place but i never wanted to stop her from achieving OUR dream.
Life is weird. i think life is like this only...shall i call it double standards...don't know...whatever it is....the fact is that i miss her...!
Its been almost a few days she left delhi, n since then we spoke just twice or thrice...everytime we wish to talk .... we are not able to...timings r different...our lifestyle is completely different of what it used to be...i miss you my dear friend...i really miss you!
From a past few days, i was missing her n another friend of mine badly...i just wanted to sit besides them...for a silent conversation...i just wished to have their shoulder, on which i can keep my head n cry...cry like a kid coz lot have accumulated in my heart...in my soul...but the fact remains that i can't...
yesterday, while watching somethng on television i got emotional...i wanted to cry but was not able to ....i don't know...after a few mins my throat was paining badly...i was not able to speak...
i was wondering whether i got emotional about what i saw or it was medium for me to vent out wat was going in my heart....
one thing i know is that all this pain, all this loneliness was worth-it coz its d time when ill be able to meet n sit with one of these two...in front of whom i don't have to pretend...nidhi is what she is...and this friend of mine knows the kid inside me...
wish for the time when ill sit next to both of them...d way we sat once for a little while...n the most amazing of that moment will be when i will laugh my heart out, while telling them my stupid acts n what happened...
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Feelings naah!...commercialised celebration
First thing in the morning on this special day was the flat hosting ceremony by our respected Prime Minister at the ‘Red Fort’. I clearly remember it was exactly 0730 hours and it was the time. Our tri-colour, out flag was up there, looking beautiful as usual, and flying with the wind…and with this came our National Anthem. “A proud moment!”
Flashback for me coz National Anthem reminds me of my school days coz everyday before dispersing for our classes after daily prayers, we used to sing our National Anthem.
But today, while watching television I saw something weird. I don’t remember which channel it was but a ‘Jana Gana Mana' by various known singers and music composers was played on almost all channels. It was good to learn that all these singers came together to lend their voice to our National Anthem but I was offended by the video. I saw singers singing in the video, their hands going with music n there head just moving here and there. It was more of a show-off then our National Anthem. The different ragas these singers added to our simple National Anthem. And yeah, I am not so sure but I think it was sponsored by Airtel (coz every time it was played, it had Airtel written in the end). It was not just once but while surfing channels for just 30 mins, it was for the fifth time I noticed the same thing. If this was the case by various channels, then news channels were not less. The coverage of morning’s flag hosting was shown and once again, I saw the clipping of our National Anthem again being played. I don’t know but I was offended.
It is our National Anthem, and we all should respect it rather then degrading it as a song which can be played anytime, anywhere, when no one is concerned. For me respecting a National Anthem, be if of any country in this world matters a lot and here in our country, nobody is even concerned that our National Anthem has been taken for granted and made fun off.
I am not aware of laws for our National Anthem, if there are any but I wonder how come Airtel got this permission to show the latest recorded version of our National Anthem on television like this. Disgusting!
My last visit to Barista coffee shop, made me realise that it is just about feelings and being natural. I saw two foreigners sitting right next to me. Both of them had a small tri-colour pinned nicely on their shirts. I don’t know but at that moment I felt that it doesn’t matter where you were born or were brought up. It is just about respecting a nation. Contradictory to what I saw was a recent discussion with a friend. The discussion brought to my notice that a simple purchase of 5KG sugar can fetch you a tri-colour (made of paper) absolutely free! Isn’t it amazing?
Not only this - Tri-colour is being sold at various places but with the company/brand name printed over the bottom level of our flag. Hmmm...nice promotional scheme...can be a sure shot hit. Heck! Is anybody concerned what is happening. Our flag, does it matter that how rapidly, year after year we are strengthening our base by degrading our own national Anthem, flag or our feelings for our country. Or say degrading and dis-respecting our country, India.
I know the post sounds like a lecture –60th year of
Monday, August 13, 2007
Journey begins...
They say "DEATH does not concern us, bother us because till the time we are alive, death is not here and when death finally arrives, life is no where.
This is true but another truth is that, it is true only for the person who dies but not for the ones who are left behind...
For them it is the beginning of a new journey...really a long one!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Patriotism or Hyprocrisy
Free India...Independence from years long British Rule....'15th August, 1947'
These are the golden words in Indian history.
I was not even born when India gained independence from century long british raaj. Neither I knew anything about the rule and freedom struggle before i read my history books. But one thing i remember was the incidents that my grandparents used to tell me...
Today we all get excited on this very day. Every year we celebrate this day....for some its about celebrating the day when we attained freedom, but for many its just about a holiday. It seems the day is no longer celebrated with the feeling of patriotism. It no longer stands for India but it stands for freedom...freedom from office work, freedom from school...!Many of us claims to be patriotic but some very small daily incidents reveals our reality...that reality which exists within us...which we have been either ignoring till now or are unaware of.
After every few years, we have some nice patriotic movies running successfully in cinema halls. Be it about British rule, the most admired game of our country Cricket, or just about our country, India. We all proudly walk to the halls, watch movies, enjoy, clap, feel proud and return back discussing 'how amazing the movie was'.
It is the year 2007 and we are going to celebrate our 60th Independence Day. Just five days before our 60th Independence Day 'Chak De India' has been released. This movie talks about many subjects which have been and are still bothering OUR COUNTRY, India. Our national game HOCKEY that nobody is interested in watching, demoralising WOMEN because they are assumed to work in the kitchen, war and lack of trust amongst the people of two different RELIGIONS, EGO clashes, self governed interest of every individual...and above all a ray of OPTIMISM.
Everyone sitting in the hall was happy and clapping whenever India scored a goal or when India won a match. Everyone feels proud of being an Indian, only if we win something or any Indian is a part of something extraordinary. But when it comes to our basics, our "National Anthem", people find it difficult to respect. It was weird! Music of the first few lines of our "National Anthem" was played in the movie but to my utter shock...it was just five out of hundreds who stood up to respect the nation. Its not about categorising people by saying this but it is about those, who were not able to stand but had enough strength to clap and whistle for every goal.
Gets difficult for me to understand. We assume to respect "National Anthem" of our country but why we often forget that the "National Anthem" of other countries are also important. I feel the patriotic feel has died within many souls and it seems to be a burden carried by many more. Isn't it a typical HYPOCRISY, a false appearance we always carry.
These are the golden words in Indian history.
I was not even born when India gained independence from century long british raaj. Neither I knew anything about the rule and freedom struggle before i read my history books. But one thing i remember was the incidents that my grandparents used to tell me...
Today we all get excited on this very day. Every year we celebrate this day....for some its about celebrating the day when we attained freedom, but for many its just about a holiday. It seems the day is no longer celebrated with the feeling of patriotism. It no longer stands for India but it stands for freedom...freedom from office work, freedom from school...!Many of us claims to be patriotic but some very small daily incidents reveals our reality...that reality which exists within us...which we have been either ignoring till now or are unaware of.
After every few years, we have some nice patriotic movies running successfully in cinema halls. Be it about British rule, the most admired game of our country Cricket, or just about our country, India. We all proudly walk to the halls, watch movies, enjoy, clap, feel proud and return back discussing 'how amazing the movie was'.
It is the year 2007 and we are going to celebrate our 60th Independence Day. Just five days before our 60th Independence Day 'Chak De India' has been released. This movie talks about many subjects which have been and are still bothering OUR COUNTRY, India. Our national game HOCKEY that nobody is interested in watching, demoralising WOMEN because they are assumed to work in the kitchen, war and lack of trust amongst the people of two different RELIGIONS, EGO clashes, self governed interest of every individual...and above all a ray of OPTIMISM.
Everyone sitting in the hall was happy and clapping whenever India scored a goal or when India won a match. Everyone feels proud of being an Indian, only if we win something or any Indian is a part of something extraordinary. But when it comes to our basics, our "National Anthem", people find it difficult to respect. It was weird! Music of the first few lines of our "National Anthem" was played in the movie but to my utter shock...it was just five out of hundreds who stood up to respect the nation. Its not about categorising people by saying this but it is about those, who were not able to stand but had enough strength to clap and whistle for every goal.
Gets difficult for me to understand. We assume to respect "National Anthem" of our country but why we often forget that the "National Anthem" of other countries are also important. I feel the patriotic feel has died within many souls and it seems to be a burden carried by many more. Isn't it a typical HYPOCRISY, a false appearance we always carry.
Lyrics
“Some words are etched in your heart
Some songs you can never forget”
Yeh waqt na thera hai
Yeh waqt na therega
Yeh yun hi guzar jayega
Ghabrana kaisa
Sagar ke seene mein
Paaye hai nag moti
Lehre jo bikhar jaye toh
Ghabrana kaisa
Yeh waqt na thera hai…
aate aur jate hain
dukh phele aa jaye toh
ghabran kaisa
Yeh waqt na therega
Yeh yun hi guzar jayega
Ghabrana kaisa
Ghabrana kaisa
Ghabrana kaisa...
This song is as fresh as if I heard it yesterday, but I know I have missed a few lines…a complete paragraph, which says “kanta bhi chub jaye to, ghabrana kaisa…”
I don’t know who wrote this song, or who gave life to these lyrics…
I think I heard this when I was a kid, I don’t even remember where I heard this…was it in my school or somewhere else. Which standard I was in or what was my age… but one thing I know, I love this song.
these words are etched in my heart and every time I recall this song, my heart smiles…
Whenever am low, I sing this song…
When things go wrong, I sing this song…
Don’t know if there is any magic in these lines but my strength is regained when I sing this song…
and every time i sing this song...I am in a different situation, i am on a different track, busy exploring this world...and i realise that these words are not only true but these words are my true wealth...
lo main aa gayaa....
So finally my first post on the blog…. The picture adjacent to the text is specially chosen as it explains ‘me’ …..a freedom loving soul with an adventurous spirit who loves nature like anything ….and who just wants to fly high…..
Gaur farmaiye……
Hazaron sapne hain hazaron khwahishein hain
Main saara jahan apna chahta hun
Thak gaya hun har pal mar mar ke
Magar ab sirf jeena chahta hun …..
It may sound a bit pessimistic but to clear out any misconceptions m an eternal optimist always looking for that ray of hope…..
Otherwise I love hardcore issues …so from now on I will keep posting …..either my views or my thought …or simply ‘WHAT I LOVE’…
Till then enjoy….
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Rejuvenate
Standing in the front balcony of my house, facing this huge 'peepal' tree ~~~~~~~~~~
I feel Rejuvenated!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
I am sorry...
Y it happens that the time changes in such a way that you can't do anythng except watching how things are being unfold.
Y it happens that we have to leave behind things and move on with those memories....which ofcouse brings tears to our eyes...!
It is stange but true, whether you want or not, life will move on..but I realised that holding back ourselves is not an easy way to escape...or say the thing I did today, was not what I expected from my own self till date.
A friend called me and asked for something, which I could have never denied. But just coz I was not in mood or say was pre-occupied with so many thoughts that I didn't helped him at all. I know he understands what I am going through and his words, 'I Trust You' were enough to make me feel better but I know I am at fault and just can't ignore it.
Am feeling guilty today coz this was my sweet friend who stood besides me. I saw him standing next to me even if i called him at 2 at night....!It is not that I was trying to return what he did for me, but realised that it was his trust in me that he asked me something, which is important for him.
I am sorry but I just don't know what to do and I know reading this post won't make him feel good. But it is just something that pinched me hard, which I am not able to keep in my heart...!
Y it happens that we have to leave behind things and move on with those memories....which ofcouse brings tears to our eyes...!
It is stange but true, whether you want or not, life will move on..but I realised that holding back ourselves is not an easy way to escape...or say the thing I did today, was not what I expected from my own self till date.
A friend called me and asked for something, which I could have never denied. But just coz I was not in mood or say was pre-occupied with so many thoughts that I didn't helped him at all. I know he understands what I am going through and his words, 'I Trust You' were enough to make me feel better but I know I am at fault and just can't ignore it.
Am feeling guilty today coz this was my sweet friend who stood besides me. I saw him standing next to me even if i called him at 2 at night....!It is not that I was trying to return what he did for me, but realised that it was his trust in me that he asked me something, which is important for him.
I am sorry but I just don't know what to do and I know reading this post won't make him feel good. But it is just something that pinched me hard, which I am not able to keep in my heart...!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Dead End...!
I cannot even imagine that a single message can matter a lot to me and that too when this message was for someone else...No it was not for someone else but a very close and dear friend of mine. A reality which he was trying to accept.
It was a nice evening meeting him after such a long time but I never expected that I can be so blank after this beautiful meeting. Two creatures obsessed with chocolates can have nothing except chocolates n our evening started with chocolates only. I never felt that I met him after such a long time coz our phone talks n our chats were enough to make me realise that this friend is an important part of my life. Everything seemed to be nice and perfect. Smile on his face after reading the small little cards I got for him was worth it. But suddenly he showed me something, which was really personal to him....a MESSAGE...!
I am sure it was important for him and while reading that message I was actually quiet...I was almost in tears and my heart was crying. Don't know the reason but might be it was the sensitivity of that matter or my imagination of seeing him in that pain...or may be just the realisation that ending a relationship with formal words is really important then just walking away from someone's life....I don't know, I felt he was lucky enough to know why all this happened and a formal farewell to those lovely days...may be coz I still search for that single answer that where I went wrong that I didn't even deserved a reason for whatever happened. I didn't received a final verdict that he never wants to speak to me again.Yes, it pained and it still pains at times. How can a friend with whom I shared the bestest of times can walk away just like that. Time moves on and we forget various things but some memories and some questions will never fade...they stay very much alive within me ....deep in my soul.....!
May be its just we guys who are stupid that we can't just move on in life... and move away leaving whatever happened ...behind...
At times i wonder...where am I going...and these are few lines, which I recalled....
HUM KIS GALI JA RAHE HAIN...
APNA KOI THIKANA NAHI....
ARMANO KI ANJUMAN MEIN....
BESUDH HAI APNI LAGAN MEIN
APNA KOI FASANA NAHI
Don't know but we are so much lost in our world that we do not even care...that somebody else can also have a HEART....n we are not worth hurting them...
But in all this....I am thankful to my dear friend...who shared that message and his feelings coz keeping feelings within ourselves can be suffocating, which leads to a deadness....killing our emotions and trust...!
It was a nice evening meeting him after such a long time but I never expected that I can be so blank after this beautiful meeting. Two creatures obsessed with chocolates can have nothing except chocolates n our evening started with chocolates only. I never felt that I met him after such a long time coz our phone talks n our chats were enough to make me realise that this friend is an important part of my life. Everything seemed to be nice and perfect. Smile on his face after reading the small little cards I got for him was worth it. But suddenly he showed me something, which was really personal to him....a MESSAGE...!
I am sure it was important for him and while reading that message I was actually quiet...I was almost in tears and my heart was crying. Don't know the reason but might be it was the sensitivity of that matter or my imagination of seeing him in that pain...or may be just the realisation that ending a relationship with formal words is really important then just walking away from someone's life....I don't know, I felt he was lucky enough to know why all this happened and a formal farewell to those lovely days...may be coz I still search for that single answer that where I went wrong that I didn't even deserved a reason for whatever happened. I didn't received a final verdict that he never wants to speak to me again.Yes, it pained and it still pains at times. How can a friend with whom I shared the bestest of times can walk away just like that. Time moves on and we forget various things but some memories and some questions will never fade...they stay very much alive within me ....deep in my soul.....!
May be its just we guys who are stupid that we can't just move on in life... and move away leaving whatever happened ...behind...
At times i wonder...where am I going...and these are few lines, which I recalled....
HUM KIS GALI JA RAHE HAIN...
APNA KOI THIKANA NAHI....
ARMANO KI ANJUMAN MEIN....
BESUDH HAI APNI LAGAN MEIN
APNA KOI FASANA NAHI
Don't know but we are so much lost in our world that we do not even care...that somebody else can also have a HEART....n we are not worth hurting them...
But in all this....I am thankful to my dear friend...who shared that message and his feelings coz keeping feelings within ourselves can be suffocating, which leads to a deadness....killing our emotions and trust...!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Calls, calls n childhood recalled…!
At times just a simple and stupid conversation can be worth remembering...And one such conversation happened with me just a few days ago...
After the long day at office, I returned home dead tired. I called a dear friend of mine (though we had a long conversation during the day also, but still...). I called him with some thoughts in my mind...or say was just wondering what stupid things shall I say to make sure that he smiles...It was a tough job for me but God is great and he always directs us to our passage...Life take its own turns and twists and things unfold in beautiful ways...!
He was busy chatting with his friend...n just to make him smile...I passed weird comments...Nothing less but was calling him with weird names. One of them was ‘Chadap Ganju’ and the reaction came back after a gap of few seconds. But his response was my reward....because to this he laughed his heart out and told me that I was behaving like a ‘Hyper-Active Baccha’....for a moment I was wondering what that means and then came the explanation….those kids who eats and sleep all day long, and gets hyper during night...!
Over this we laughed and fought….and God ensured this was not the end. And one can not even imagine the next agenda of our conversation …eatables…what else can you expect from two hungry souls.
He started teasing me about the ice-cream he was having and I replied him back about the 5-star I was having....Next was his pizza and my dal...and this went on and on. No contrast from anywhere but still, it was the matter of both of us...fighting over useless things...! Two adults fighting and teasing over stupid things….
We were fighting...teasing each other like kids ....might be if we guys had been in front of each others...it could have been our head and hair....but still, the way ashu n I behaved...if felt as if my childhood was regained.
After the long day at office, I returned home dead tired. I called a dear friend of mine (though we had a long conversation during the day also, but still...). I called him with some thoughts in my mind...or say was just wondering what stupid things shall I say to make sure that he smiles...It was a tough job for me but God is great and he always directs us to our passage...Life take its own turns and twists and things unfold in beautiful ways...!
He was busy chatting with his friend...n just to make him smile...I passed weird comments...Nothing less but was calling him with weird names. One of them was ‘Chadap Ganju’ and the reaction came back after a gap of few seconds. But his response was my reward....because to this he laughed his heart out and told me that I was behaving like a ‘Hyper-Active Baccha’....for a moment I was wondering what that means and then came the explanation….those kids who eats and sleep all day long, and gets hyper during night...!
Over this we laughed and fought….and God ensured this was not the end. And one can not even imagine the next agenda of our conversation …eatables…what else can you expect from two hungry souls.
He started teasing me about the ice-cream he was having and I replied him back about the 5-star I was having....Next was his pizza and my dal...and this went on and on. No contrast from anywhere but still, it was the matter of both of us...fighting over useless things...! Two adults fighting and teasing over stupid things….
We were fighting...teasing each other like kids ....might be if we guys had been in front of each others...it could have been our head and hair....but still, the way ashu n I behaved...if felt as if my childhood was regained.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Death: Freedom or Life Imprisonment
It was an innocent age and understanding the meaning of word Death was not that easy. I never understood what it meant. But as I grew up, I learned what this particular five letter word 'Death' meant.
Imagining even a day without the person you love the most, seemed impossible but I realised this reality of life when my Grandfather expired. I saw him struggling, struggling against his own death. It was the time when we took him to hospital and were hoping against hope. But one just cannot live in illusions for a long time and the time arrived
when it was our decision, our family's collective decision.
He was serious and in pain and our elders decided to set him free. Set him free from all his pain. It was a tough decision to set him free from this imprisonment...
Imprisonment of pain....endless pain....by removing his life support system, ventilator. In medical terms it meant taking away his life but for us it was setting him free from that unbearable pain. The suffering were endless and to the extent that he was not even able to speak. He was almost dead coz he was paralyzed.
This is not a story but my life's experience where I lost my grandfather. Since the day I was born, I saw him around. Imagining the fact that he will leave me one day and go was something alien to me but the day came when I saw my grandfather suffering from pain. He was not
able to speak but was able to understand what I was saying. Aware of the fact that he will not be able to answer I held his hand and asked him, 'bauji pehchana mujhe'. With his one hand, which he was able to move, he tightly held my hand and replied to my query. His eyes were wet and even I cried. It was matter of few hours and my grandfather expired. I cried and cried a lot. It was difficult to accept that he was no more. The home went empty but we used to wait. It hurts, it pains but life moves on. In starting, I used to miss him a
lot and here is a time when I recall.
Strange are the ways of life or god has made it this way. We say we love our family our friends but why does it happen that as soon as the person dies we just start thinking of criminating the body? We say we cannot live without the person who is dead but we cannot even bear the smell,
which comes from the body. Life is weird as we claim a lot but we all are useless. We all are hypocrites. We say we will die if someone leaves us in this world but very easily we manage to survive. This is the truth, which cannot be changed....It is still unbelievable but at times I see my-self and wonder who I am?
Imagining even a day without the person you love the most, seemed impossible but I realised this reality of life when my Grandfather expired. I saw him struggling, struggling against his own death. It was the time when we took him to hospital and were hoping against hope. But one just cannot live in illusions for a long time and the time arrived
when it was our decision, our family's collective decision.
He was serious and in pain and our elders decided to set him free. Set him free from all his pain. It was a tough decision to set him free from this imprisonment...
Imprisonment of pain....endless pain....by removing his life support system, ventilator. In medical terms it meant taking away his life but for us it was setting him free from that unbearable pain. The suffering were endless and to the extent that he was not even able to speak. He was almost dead coz he was paralyzed.
This is not a story but my life's experience where I lost my grandfather. Since the day I was born, I saw him around. Imagining the fact that he will leave me one day and go was something alien to me but the day came when I saw my grandfather suffering from pain. He was not
able to speak but was able to understand what I was saying. Aware of the fact that he will not be able to answer I held his hand and asked him, 'bauji pehchana mujhe'. With his one hand, which he was able to move, he tightly held my hand and replied to my query. His eyes were wet and even I cried. It was matter of few hours and my grandfather expired. I cried and cried a lot. It was difficult to accept that he was no more. The home went empty but we used to wait. It hurts, it pains but life moves on. In starting, I used to miss him a
lot and here is a time when I recall.
Strange are the ways of life or god has made it this way. We say we love our family our friends but why does it happen that as soon as the person dies we just start thinking of criminating the body? We say we cannot live without the person who is dead but we cannot even bear the smell,
which comes from the body. Life is weird as we claim a lot but we all are useless. We all are hypocrites. We say we will die if someone leaves us in this world but very easily we manage to survive. This is the truth, which cannot be changed....It is still unbelievable but at times I see my-self and wonder who I am?
Career Strains
Being a part of a scholarly family always made me felt proud. It feels nice when my neighbours used to call me, used to recognise me as a member of ‘Singal’ family. People used to say - ‘Arrey! Yeh to Singal sahib ki beti hain’. And mind you ‘Singal Sahib’ was used for my Grandfather.
May be because he ensured that all his kids, be it son or daughter, all should be educated and independent in life. This was my Grandparents vision but it gradually became an eminent part of my father and uncles life. I always saw my mother and aunts maintaining a healthy routine between their work place and family. Not only this but I think the day when I started understanding and remembering things around me, I learned that this is how life has to be and I am lucky to have a family with this thinking.
I am not the youngest in my family but with all my elders opting for Medical and Non-Medical stream, the pressure of selecting such a field invaded my life. The increasing number of Doctors, Engineers and Teachers resulted in an immense stress and with every passing year, I was able to see my family’s expectations climbing ladders. My father must have expected that I might opt for Medical but my decision was different. I opted for Commerce may be because I wanted to do something different, something special.
…since the time I can recollect, my desire was to become a Journalist. This term, this field fascinated me as I had an impression of this field being a path-breaking one. As I always dreamt of doing something different, what better could have been except Journalism?
But life is not always what we think. My decision was opposed! Some distant relatives had problems and lucky they, they were able to convince my dad. I was angry and bugged by the ways things were unfolding but for me this was not the end of my world. It took some time but this time I made sure that my Dad stood there to support. He must be scared about my decisions but this time he was with me and I was on my way.
Family support, criticism from relatives and my desire to prove myself, were my driving force, which always kept me on my toes.
May be because he ensured that all his kids, be it son or daughter, all should be educated and independent in life. This was my Grandparents vision but it gradually became an eminent part of my father and uncles life. I always saw my mother and aunts maintaining a healthy routine between their work place and family. Not only this but I think the day when I started understanding and remembering things around me, I learned that this is how life has to be and I am lucky to have a family with this thinking.
I am not the youngest in my family but with all my elders opting for Medical and Non-Medical stream, the pressure of selecting such a field invaded my life. The increasing number of Doctors, Engineers and Teachers resulted in an immense stress and with every passing year, I was able to see my family’s expectations climbing ladders. My father must have expected that I might opt for Medical but my decision was different. I opted for Commerce may be because I wanted to do something different, something special.
…since the time I can recollect, my desire was to become a Journalist. This term, this field fascinated me as I had an impression of this field being a path-breaking one. As I always dreamt of doing something different, what better could have been except Journalism?
But life is not always what we think. My decision was opposed! Some distant relatives had problems and lucky they, they were able to convince my dad. I was angry and bugged by the ways things were unfolding but for me this was not the end of my world. It took some time but this time I made sure that my Dad stood there to support. He must be scared about my decisions but this time he was with me and I was on my way.
Family support, criticism from relatives and my desire to prove myself, were my driving force, which always kept me on my toes.
Lets Fly
No limit and endless sky,
Where we just want to fly.
Deep rooted in to daily grind,
Lost sleep and heavy mind.
Bumpy roads keeps us high,
Never letting our optimism die…
A journey of two journo's...a journey of two lives...different yet somewhat alike!
So lets start the adventurous ride, with Mayank’s and Nidhi’s life…
Where we just want to fly.
Deep rooted in to daily grind,
Lost sleep and heavy mind.
Bumpy roads keeps us high,
Never letting our optimism die…
A journey of two journo's...a journey of two lives...different yet somewhat alike!
So lets start the adventurous ride, with Mayank’s and Nidhi’s life…
Mayank & Nidhi
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